Child custody cases can be stressful, no matter how cooperative parents are trying to be. Both parents want what is right for their children, but they do not always agree on what that is. Even if they agree, there are many specific and complex issues that must be considered and negotiated, which can be stressful. In high-conflict cases, this stress only increases. A high-conflict custody case attorney in St. Charles, MO, can help families navigate these cases.
How Is a High-Conflict Custody Case Defined?
There is not one situation or circumstance that makes a custody case high-conflict, but it is often characterized by highly emotional arguments between parents, litigation in court with several court dates, and the inability to find compromises or solutions. High-conflict custody cases can be incredibly difficult for children of the separation.
Ideally, parents put aside their differences and work together to create a parenting plan that is beneficial for their children. Unfortunately, this is not always realistic. Whether one or both parents are combative or unwilling to compromise, or there is a genuine danger that one parent faces from the other, this can make cooperation impossible. This often means the case must proceed through litigation, which can make it more expensive and more stressful.
High-conflict cases can be characterized by behaviors and circumstances such as:
- Co-parents are unable to cooperate, communicate, or reach any solution for child custody outside of court.
- Either spouse is intentionally lengthening the negotiation process to waste time and money.
- Litigation is necessary to resolve the custody case in a timely manner.
- Spouses have substantial disagreements about the terms of a parenting plan or the court’s decisions on custody.
- Parents are incapable of effectively co-parenting.
- Multiple court dates are required to reach a resolution.
- One or both spouses harass, stalk, threaten, or otherwise endanger each other.
- Either spouse has serious criminal convictions.
- There are claims of dangerous behavior, including child neglect, child endangerment, substance abuse, domestic violence, and child abuse.
High-conflict custody cases are generally much more expensive. Litigating a case is more costly than resolving it through alternative dispute resolution methods. Conflict also increases the time spent in court, which further increases the costs. High-conflict cases are more complex, which may result in higher attorney fees, more court costs, and the aid of other costly professionals.
The financial stressors associated with these cases only increase the emotional stress that co-parents and families already experience. High-conflict cases also tend to limit the ability of parents to care for their children and put children’s interests first.
How Can You Cope With the Stress of These Cases?
You cannot control the actions of your co-parent, and it is often not possible to de-escalate the conflict to secure an easier solution. Instead, all you can do is control your own behavior, reactions, and management of the situation. Some things you should focus on doing to protect your family and your own well-being include:
- Put your children’s interests as the priority, and work to provide for their emotional, physical, and mental health and well-being.
- Do not include your children in arguments, disputes, or disagreements between you and your co-parent.
- Avoid reacting angrily or immediately to actions and statements made by your co-parent.
- Maintain respectful and businesslike communication with your co-parent.
- Document your conversations with your co-parent and note the actions they take.
- Set boundaries for how you talk and interact with your co-parent, including determining what communication has the least amount of conflict.
- Create a support network for your loved ones.
- Keep your custody case off of social media.
- Attend any recommended therapy sessions, parenting classes, and other professional support.
- Find ways to cope with the stress of court proceedings, including hobbies, exercise, being with friends and family, and generally taking care of your own well-being.
- Cooperate with any temporary custody court orders, and talk with professionals if you feel your children are not being cared for by your co-parent or are in danger.
- Determine if there is a method of co-parenting or parallel parenting that can benefit your family.
It is also crucial to secure legal support to protect your rights and interests, as well as the interests and well-being of your children.
FAQs
Q: What Should You Not Say During a Custody Battle?
A: One thing you should not say during a custody battle is anything disparaging or mean-spirited toward your co-parent. These are statements that should be kept out of court, out of negotiations, and out of conversations with your children.
This is advice that applies to petty issues between co-parents. It does not apply to serious issues like concerns about your children’s safety. These concerns should be discussed with your attorney so they can be properly investigated and brought up in court.
Q: What Is the Biggest Mistake in a Custody Battle?
A: One of the biggest mistakes in a custody battle is failing to consider the best interests of your child as the priority. This may include getting caught up in arguments with your co-parent in front of your child, misrepresenting or lying about your co-parent’s behavior to the court, or trying to turn your child against your co-parent.
These actions can severely harm your child. Additionally, actions like lying about a co-parent’s behavior or engaging in parental alienation can lose you significant custody rights when the court discovers it.
Q: Who Wins Most Child Custody Cases?
A: There is no legal preference that a family court has for one parent or the other, and custody determinations are made based on the child’s interests. In a high-conflict custody battle, focusing on who “wins” a custody case is often a bad way to approach the case.
Ideally, parents work together to co-parent their children and share parenting responsibilities and parenting time when this is in the child’s interest. By focusing on “beating” your co-parent in the case, you fail to consider your child’s needs and interests.
Q: How Can You Stay Strong During a Custody Battle?
A: To stay strong during a custody battle, you want to take steps to take care of your children while still focusing on yourself and your own emotional and psychological well-being. You want to create a support network, including friends, family, and support groups. When possible, you also want to work with mental health and other therapy professionals. Finding coping mechanisms, new hobbies, and fun activities can also help during such a stressful time.
Protecting Your Family’s Well-Being
When you need legal support in a difficult custody case, contact Stange Law Firm.
